In the hours that followed Canada’s 1-0 win over South Africa, the online reaction of non-Canadians was pretty predictable. Internet Edgelords were tripping over themselves to demonstrate their own confirmation bias as it related to Canada booking its spot in the final 16 of a World Cup. Neither a nuanced breakdown of the situation nor a philosophical “the ball is round” and a shrug was on display.
No, it was mostly red hot takes about Canada sucking and how much of a travesty is was that they would be sullying the Round of 16 with their presence.
The highest profile of these goofballs was Dave Portnoy, head of Barstool, the sports site that made us all think of Deadspin as being highbrow. As a 49 year old man who needs to convince 17 year old boys that he’s still cool (seriously, how fucking bleak must that be), he has to have strong, edgy, opinions on everything, and he has to state them in a way that “owns” some accepted enemy of the Edgelords.
Canada is an accepted enemy — 51st State bullshit, isn’t it funny when the Canadians get all mad, etc., etc, et-boring-cetra. It’s exhausting, really, both because they are either annoying little weasels you’d like to slap (or just really dumb), but also because so many Canadians take the bait every time.
Message to my fellow hosers: THEY DON’T CARE. STOP ENGAGING WITH THEM. IT’S ALL THEY WANT.
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. The point Portnoy was making — such as it was — was that there was “no way” that Canada was a top 16 team in the world. It’s laughable, really, because here’s the thing:
They are. They are in the final 16, ergo they are a top 16 team. That’s how sports works. You’d think a man who runs a sports website would know that, even if he’s trying to pander to children with his content. Of course, as pointed out above, he probably does know this and is just trolling, so I honestly wasn’t all that put off by that kind of reaction. No, it was the other type of dismissal that was making me crazy this week.
The condescension — the “isn’t that great they are doing something. How adorable that those plucky underdogs are still here.” It’s especially grating coming from sources that are practically tripping over themselves to talk about how great the US is and how you have to consider them a real contender in the tournament.
Look, the US has played well here so far. There’s no denying this. But, it’s pretty clear that Football Weekly, The Football Ramble and these sources that I will not name, have not watched a second of Concacaf football over the last four years.
Four years when Canada has a strong argument for having outplayed the US. The only real black mark was the quarterfinal disaster in the Gold Cup last summer, but one bad day does not erase what has been a great cycle and included a semi-final appearance in the third biggest international football tournament in the world.
Like, does no one remember that Canada was in the semi-finals of the Copa America two summers ago? They are in the round of 16 because they deserve to be. They are good enough to be there; this is not a novelty based on having home games at this World Cup.
Anyway, this is supposed to be a preview article, so let’s look at the Morocco game.
It’s terrifying. I think Canada is getting under appreciated, but I’m not delusional. Morocco is legitimately a darkhorse to win the tournament.
Forget for a moment the issues around Achraf Hakimi — the very serious issues that should not be brushed aside, but have to be reluctantly put on a shelf to effectively handicap a game — he is a significant type of talent that Canada simply can’t match. Making things worse, we also lack an obvious defensive answer to take him out of the game. This might have been Kone’s assignment in a perfect world (although that’s not really a perfect fit either), but right now there is going to need to be a full team effort to keep the midfield battle reasonably close.
And if you plug up the midfield they have Brahim Diaz out wide. Plus Bono, their keeper, is an athletic shot stopper, which helps to counter Canada’s, well, counter threat (which is the obvious way that Canada can shock a team). Oh, also Morocco plays a great team defensive game — one of the best in the world.
Trust me, we’d have preferred the Netherlands. They’d have just come at us and we’d have looked to hit them on the break. We’d still be underdogs, but…
Morocco is damn good. Canada’s World Cup probably ends tomorrow. That’s the reality of where we are — a team that had every right to dream of a round of 16 appearance and to get the opportunity to pull an upset. Beyond that requires something unexpected. Not impossible, but also not something you should bank on.
There’s no shame in any of this. If they lose tomorrow we still have won hearts and minds in Canada and this generation of players should have enough to get to Spain-Portugal-Morocco in 2030 to give it another go. Also, and I can’t state this strongly enough, if they do win tomorrow — and I’d put the chances at about 10% — THEY ARE GOING TO THE QUARTERFINALS.
Where they probably play France…and then we just have a laugh and see what happens.
Regardless, this is all dreamland stuff that would have seemed insane 19 years ago when I started this blog.
Enjoy the game. I sure as hell am going to.